btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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