Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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