put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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