dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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