you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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