My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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