Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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