Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
