How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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