What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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