Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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