I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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