So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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