And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You need Xanax blowdarts
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
