the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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