You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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