4 words: hood of his car
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
