1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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