my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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