I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
