We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
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Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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