I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
