All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
