i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
