Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize