We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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