we're blogging at a bar
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
