One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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