We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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