I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just invented taco cereal.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
