Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
