i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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