You can't special order awesome
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
