i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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