Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
