I molested 6 butterflies tonight
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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