You smell like stripper and shame
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
