she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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