I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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