dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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