I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
