someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
