bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
