do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Mom said you looked used
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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