Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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