as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
