I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can't talk, ducks in the car
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
