Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
