Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
