Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
