the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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