i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
foreskin is a definite game changer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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