My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
