my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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