I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
