I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
