I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
