Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
