Having a random hookup so left but love u
You can't motorboat a personality
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
