Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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