theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's never too late to be topless.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
