The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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