thus making me awesome and them whores
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
