Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
