Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
