I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
