Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
