Michael Bay diarrhea
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
