you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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