so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
