My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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