I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
