how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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