did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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