im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
