I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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