I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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