Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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