So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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