bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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