Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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