So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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